Self-Esteem and Confidence
Psychologists | Speech Language Pathologists | Occupational Therapists | Exercise Physiologists | Therapy Assistants
Psychologists | Speech Language Pathologists | Occupational Therapists | Exercise Physiologists | Therapy Assistants |
Why does self-esteem matter?
How children feel about themselves shapes so much of their experience — how willing they are to try new things, how they handle setbacks, how they relate to others, and how they approach the challenges of growing up. Healthy self-esteem doesn't mean feeling great all the time, it means having a stable, realistic sense of one's own worth that isn't easily shaken by difficulty or criticism.
Low self-esteem is more than just shyness or lack of confidence. It can hold children back from reaching their potential, affect their mental health, and make the normal challenges of childhood and adolescence feel much harder. The good news is that self-esteem can be built and psychology offers some of the most effective tools for doing so.
- Frequently putting themselves down eg. 'I'm stupid', 'I can't do anything right'
- Giving up quickly or refusing to try new things for fear of failure
- Difficulty accepting praise or positive feedback
- Being very sensitive to criticism, mistakes, or perceived failure
- Comparing themselves unfavourably to others
- People-pleasing or excessive need for approval from others
- Withdrawal from activities or situations where they might not succeed
- Anxiety or low mood alongside persistent negative self-view
What might low self-esteem look like?
What contributes to low self-esteem in children and teens?
Contributing factors can include:
- Persistent difficulty with learning, friendships, or fitting in
- Experiences of criticism, rejection, bullying, or trauma
- Co-occurring differences like ADHD, learning difficulties, or neurodivergence which can lead to a sense of always falling short
- Perfectionism and high internal standards that are difficult to meet
- Family dynamics or parental mental health challenges
- Social media and comparison culture, particularly for older children and teens
How can psychology help?
- Understanding the specific beliefs and experiences driving low self-esteem
- Building more balanced, realistic, and compassionate self-perceptions
- Developing resilience — the ability to handle setbacks without being defined by them
- Addressing perfectionism, self-criticism, and unhelpful thinking patterns
- Building confidence through supported exposure to challenging situations
- Supporting identity development, particularly for neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ young people
- Parent guidance on how to support healthy self-esteem at home
Academic achievement and self-esteem aren't the same thing. Many children who appear to be coping well on the outside carry a quiet sense that they're not quite good enough, often because they're working very hard to meet expectations that don't always feel natural to them. Real self-esteem comes from feeling understood and valued for who you are, not just what you achieve.
Self-esteem is not fixed. It's shaped by experiences and the stories we tell ourselves about those experiences. With the right support, children can develop a much more positive and resilient sense of themselves regardless of where they're starting from.
"If they're doing well at school, their self-esteem must be fine."
FACT
FACT
Myth
"Low self-esteem is just a personality trait."
Myth
Empty praise without genuine acknowledgement of effort or growth rarely builds real self-esteem. In fact, excessive or unearned praise can sometimes backfire. What builds lasting self-esteem is a genuine sense of competence, connection, and being truly known and valued.
FACT
"Just tell them how wonderful they are, that will build their confidence."
Myth
Myths and facts about self-esteem
Children can begin to show signs of low self-esteem from quite an early age. If negative self-talk, excessive self-criticism, or avoidance of challenges is a consistent pattern (at any age), it's worth exploring with a psychologist.
At what age should I be concerned about my child's self-esteem?
Is low self-esteem the same as depression?
Can therapy really make a difference to how my child feels about themselves?
Not always, but they're closely connected. Low self-esteem can be a contributing factor to, and a feature of, depression. A psychologist can help clarify what's going on for your child and ensure support targets the right areas.
Frequently asked questions
Psychological support can be very effective in helping children develop a more positive and resilient sense of self. A psychologist can work with your child to identify unhelpful thought patterns, build on genuine strengths, and develop the skills and experiences that support lasting confidence — while also working with your family to make sure the environment around your child is reinforcing those same messages.
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The Spectrum Therapy team is as diverse as they come — speech therapists, occupational therapists, psychologists, exercise physiologists, and therapy assistants. They’re not just experts, they’re the secret sauce behind our whole-child approach.
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